“Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”
– George Lucas
Duality. The idea of all or nothing thinking, good and bad, black and white, yes and no, winners and losers. The zero-sum game.
A great deal of human suffering comes from this thinking. That someone can only be one way, or the other. There is a disownership of grey, and “both/and” thinking, thus creating unhealthy polarization in the process. Sir Isaac Newton said something along the lines of an object in motion will stay in motion unless equal and opposite motion is used to cancel it out. I like this metaphor in explaining balance. When we go too far in one direction, we usually end up on the other side. The only true balance comes from carrying the tension of opposites and finding growth and healing in the middle ground.
In my experience, many that are suffering live in this energetic space of the zero sum game and our mammalian brain tells us that we need to avoid bad and go towards good. Unfortunately, the path forward is not so simple because usually when we run from something it follows us and that makes it worse. If there has been a past breach of trust then for many the only way to feel safe is to have absolute control and absolute safety, which of course is impossible, and thus creates the endless cycle of suffering and worsening pain.
Therapy can be a place of education and healing that helps us to deprogram from this type of thinking, stop comparing ourselves to others, re-define health, success, and healing, and gain greater liberation and peace in the process.