My Story

I rejected duality (that two opposites can both be true) for years, and experienced more suffering than I needed to. I placed my dependency needs for security, intimacy, and power in everyone else but me.  I became stuck, stubborn, and miserable.  I kept thinking that if I only made linear progress in life, things would get better. I disowned my experience, my feelings, and numbed – I saw in black or white, when I needed to see all the colors. This only led to worse and regressed feelings that came out at the worst times.  Many relationships failed because of this, and my time in “the desert” went on.  

My shadow – the disowned part of me – saturated me in emotional intensity.  I didn’t know how to process the storm of feeling inside. I tried to control the world outside instead.  I became more lonely and wounded each day because of the lack of meaningful connection.  I leaned into video games, spending, and toxic relationships that added to the shame.  I started to feel like a hamster on a wheel.

I thought that if only I found a great partner, she would make everything better. I kept avoiding and running from what scared me, and I decided to disown my anger and be “mr nice”. I tolerated hurtful behavior in others.  Then it happened, a relationship that I thought was assured, disappeared over night, and I was left on the ground with my knees taken out from under me.  

THERAPY CHANGED MY LIFE

At the same time, the song of therapy had been in my life since I was a teenager. Learning and integrating new ideas opened me up to new potential, courage, and freedom, ultimately inspiring me to become a therapist. As I embarked on my healing journey, I continued to gain new tools and ways of understanding myself.  Over the years, slowly and gradually, my healing journey helped me to continue to reprogram and restore my mind, body and spirit from the intergenerational trauma, reactivity and dis-ease I had known most of my life.  Ironically, the loss I suffered opened me up to a new level of understanding and consciousness in my life.  

I discovered that when we live in a society that is not inclusive to duality, we all want to be winners – no one wants to be a loser.  This old school psychology of “success” is harmful and creates unhappiness and stress.  I learned to embrace both potentials, and in loosening my attachment to “winning”, I began to truly succeed, let go, heal and thrive.  I embraced myself!  It wasn’t easy…learning to take responsibility for my happiness… I learned to really ground myself, embrace my shadow, step into and own my emotion, dialogue with inner parts, connect to stories of healing, understand how I work, and integrate principles of unity, duality, and multiplicity.  And so much more. I completely changed who I am for the better.  I could never imagine being who I am today if it weren’t for my journey of self discovery and healing through therapy.  I am forever grateful.

WE CAN ALL BECOME THE CHANGE

In today’s world of instant gratification, impatience, and isolating “connectedness”, therapy as a light inside the darkness is more relevant and necessary than ever.  We are a young people still and I believe that we are on the cusp of a great shift in human consciousness, at the same time, we remain on the edge of destruction.  As Homo sapiens sapiens or “those that know that they know” we are in a unique place to individually and collectively contribute our energies in a direction toward balance.  War, hate, climate change, artificial intelligence and more are real and existential issues that we need to navigate because of their potential for destructiveness.  We all want to make a difference and I believe that the only way for us to make this world a better place, is to make ourselves better first and go from there. If we each decided to take responsibility for our healing no matter what, we would be able to come to a stronger place of healing the Anima Mundi, the “Soul of the World”. As Gandhi said: “Be the change”.

If you are struggling with loving yourself, finding your purpose, stepping into your life, seeking relief from suffering, or longing to fill the emptiness inside, I would be honored to be your guide on this perilous quest.  

David Eshleman