Did you grow up in a fundamental, or cult like “church” or environment? Maybe you’re still in the church, or maybe you are an ex-fundie seeking redemption and healing from what you are beginning to realize was a traumatic or spiritually wounding experience. No matter if you are at the point in your life where you are seriously considering stepping away from your religion of origin, or just wanting to explore this a little, having a place to go to ask these questions can be helpful.
The three most common issues that I see with clients that have been raised in these households that prioritize control versus love are:
1. Strong emotional dysregulation. There is a deep felt sense of shame and un-safety, along with emotional dys-regulation.
2. There is often a great deal of masking going on, with clients that hold onto toxic friendships/relationships because they struggle to express their true thoughts and feelings. People in this space will tend to say yes when they really wish to say no. Boundaries are very difficult to set, let alone maintain.
3. There is a high level of isolation and loneliness, and at the core: unworthiness. This often triggers heightened anxiety and suffering, as well as psychophysiological problems that manifest in various ways, including chronic pain.
“Should I stay or should I go?”
– The Clash
This question, while appearing simple, is really quite the opposite. To leave would be akin to changing everything that one knows – one’s identity and sense of “home” could be drastically disrupted.
These delicate questions on how we live and where we dedicate our time and energy are extremely important ones that take time and energy to discern. Within the sacred space of therapy, there is no pressure for you to be something or do something. You are simply invited to explore who you are within and without, and maybe what could be meaningful and nurturing to you. By identifying and connecting to your authentic self, you get closer to standing under a decision you really believe in.